Why does the mere suggestion of male homosexuality provoke such intense reactions, particularly among men? Male homophobia is often less about an irrational fear or disgust towards gay men and more about the terror of being perceived as feminine.
Traditional Gender Roles at the root
From childhood, society instills a binary understanding of relationships: there is a man and a woman, each with distinct, non-negotiable roles. These expectations not only shape heterosexual dynamics but also distort perceptions of same-sex relationships, which leads to heteronormativity.
As a result, when encountering a same-sex couple, many instinctively ask, “Who is the man and who is the woman?” or “Who is the top and who is the bottom?” These questions reveal how deeply ingrained heteronormative narratives are. There is an assumption (which turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy), that every relationship requires a “dominant” and “submissive” partner — where the latter is equated with femininity.
Homophobia is a natural outgrowth of this system.
When we realize that people view relationships through this lens, it becomes clearer why men may feel so uncomfortable with the idea of same-sex relationships. However, the sole disruption of the familiar gender binary and system is only the surface. The discomfort is amplified because it confronts the deep-seated discomfort with anything associated with femininity. If one man in a relationship is perceived as taking on a “female” role, it raises uncomfortable questions: What does it mean to be a woman, and why is that role seen as inferior or degrading? This discomfort is rooted in the way society views femininity and women, which leads us to the next critical point.
The Fear of Feminization and Misogyny
Femininity is not just different from masculinity — it is devalued in various ways. Being called gay, shame for showing emotions other than anger, or for enjoying anything deemed ‘girly’ – are the initial stages of male gender socialization. Young boys learn to aspire to traits like strength, leadership and emotional suppression. Society perceives femininity as a lower status.
The devaluation of femininity sustains male dominance. One fundamental way this dominance is asserted is through the sexualization and objectification of women. Women’s bodies are commodified and reduced to objects of male desire, their worth tied to their appearance. This dynamic not only reinforces women’s subordinate status but also reveals the deeply ingrained fear underlying traditional masculinity: the fear of being treated in the same objectified and dehumanized way as women.
This fear of objectification and subjugation directly connects to homophobia. In patriarchal terms, being seen as gay is equated with being feminine, which in turn suggests a loss of power, autonomy, and subjecthood. The fear of being seen as gay is, at its core, the fear of being associated with this objectified, “female” role. It’s the terror of being stripped of one’s masculinity, and in turn, one’s humanity. (DE-HUMANIZATION AND OBJECTIFICATION)
Moreover, this fear drives a vicious cycle: men threatened by the association with femininity or queerness often reassert their dominance through behaviors that reinforce patriarchy — such as sexualizing and dehumanizing women. By doing so, they symbolically distance themselves from the feminine and reclaim their traditional masculine role. This highlights why homophobia persists in patriarchal societies: it is not merely a fear of being different but a fear of losing the power and privilege that traditional masculinity confers.(Domination and Objectification: Men’s Motivation for Dominance Over Women Affects Their Tendency to Sexually Objectify Women)
Men, conditioned to see themselves as dominant subjects, resist any association with a status they have been taught to see as subordinate. And this extends even to the aversion towards taking care of one’s appearance, skin-care and clothes, since it is a “female” role to primp herself, as her worth as an object is primarily tied to her physical appearance.
Internalized Homophobia and Identity Conflict
Internalized homophobia arises from the fear of being associated with femininity and the loss of masculine status, and can lead to various mental health struggles. For men who are gay or do not conform to traditional gender norms, these societal pressures create profound internal conflicts. Boys learn from an early age to distance themselves from anything “feminine,” internalizing messages like “you cry like a girl” or “you throw like a girl.” These statements equate femininity with weakness and inferiority.
Both heterosexual and homosexual men who fear being seen as anything less than fully masculine indulge in hypermasculine behaviors, where they overcompensate through aggression or emotional suppression to avoid any perception of weakness. The pressure to conform to these norms can lead to behaviors that are harmful both to themselves and to others, perpetuating a cycle of repression, shame, and discrimination.
Sports and military are great examples of hypermasculine environments. These spaces become breeding grounds for homophobia, punishing any deviation from traditional masculinity.
Conclusion
Homophobia is not just a rejection of same-sex attraction; it is a reaction to the disruption of rigid gender roles and the misogyny that devalues femininity. By challenging these norms, we can create a society where all people—regardless of their gender or sexuality—are free to love, express, and live authentically. Only through this cultural shift can we hope to dismantle the structures that perpetuate discrimination and inequality.